My Friend is a Princess at Disney World

  • Cinderella: Hello!
  • Little Black Girl: Hi! Can I have your autograph?
  • Cinderella: Sure! What is your name?
  • Little Black Girl: Bonqueefa.
  • Cinderella: How do you spell that?
  • Mother: B. o. n. queef-like-a-pussy-fart. a.

Just peed my pants.

This is not nearly as witty as my normal fare.

Because this is not the brilliant mind of Anastas.

DEANNA LURVES JOO AWWWWWWW HAY

Very Busy...

  • Black Family: *Walks in*
  • Old Man: Hello!
  • Father: Hi there.
  • Old Man: I just wanted you folks to know that I voted for Obama, too.
  • Black Family: *Walk out*
  • Me: *Face slap*

It Was a Busy Day in Crazyville...

  • Me: Bye, Sir! Have a nice day!
  • Customer: Fuck you.

This Job Never Ceases to Entertain

  • Customer: What an awful day.
  • Me: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
  • Customer: My house was foreclosed. I saved it, so that was a good thing. But then today, it was condemned, so I lost it again.
  • Me: That's awful, I'm so sorry.
  • Customer: Can I have that two dollar scratch ticket? I'm feeling lucky.

Do I Look Like a Prostitute?

That incredibly awkward moment when a thirtysomething man tries to solicit me for prostitution… 

gloppy

(Reblogged from mylifethroughkristenwiig)

Oh...Again at the Convenience Store

  • Customer: How much for a night?
  • Me: ....
  • Me: ....
  • Me: ....
  • Me: More than you can afford, asshole.

Sometimes…at my job…I’m just like

(Reblogged from mylifethroughkristenwiig)